Daily health tips for the happier Life
Home 3 Ways Working With a Coach Can Help You Become More Self-Aware | by Alex Rood | May, 2021

3 Ways Working With a Coach Can Help You Become More Self-Aware | by Alex Rood | May, 2021

by admin

Coaching has helped me understand myself more thoroughly — through increased curiosity, understanding, and learning

A smiling woman holds out her hand to shake with people in the background smiling.
Image credit: fizkes
  • We call our parents every day without fail because we worry about what they will say if we don’t.
  • We forego deeply knowing our partners, distracting ourselves with wedding planning, house renovations, friends, pets, and children.

Getting curious about ourselves and realizing that no question is not worth asking is a fundamental skill toward attaining more self-awareness over time.

  • Coaches make observations based on what they hear: With objective perspectives, a coach can observe the things we say without the bias that we may hold or that those close to us may hold. What a coach sees can help us expand on our own limited perspectives and help us ask questions of ourselves that we may otherwise have never considered asking. In turn, the answers we come up with expand our self-awareness.
  • Coaches ask “what” instead of “why” questions: As crafty, ego-driven humans, we can rationalize almost anything to come up with a seemingly valid why. However, by focusing on “what” questions, a coach helps us work to dissect the things that cause something to happen, rather than rely on our own bias reasoning. Using the answers to “what” questions, we can break our experiences down into facts, rather than opinions.

“My advice is, I’d rather see someone go through change consciously with an awareness about what’s going on for them — radical self-inquiry — rather than have it happen to them and be blindsided by external forces.”

— Jerry Colonna

Questions that drive curiosity:

  • What is my role in contributing to the challenges that I face in my life?
  • What should I be saying to the people in my life that needs to be said, but hasn’t been?
  • When do I feel triggered and what are my responses to those triggers?

Exploring our values is a deep and revealing process that is essential for self-awareness. We need to understand what values are out there and begin to match them to who we’ve been, who we are, and who we want to be.

  • Coaches can identify the values we currently hold: They are helping us forward toward some vision or goal. In this pursuit, a coach partners with us to determine the values from which we are currently operating. These values may have been intentionally cultivated or absorbed completely unconsciously, over time. Regardless, they are vital for understanding the way our actions and responses have impacted our past and current ways of thinking.
  • Coaches help us develop the values that will serve our goals: This is the hard part of coaching. Developing the values necessary to reach a stated vision or goal for ourselves requires practice, discomfort, and likely some failure. A coach is trained to let this process happen objectively and without judgment. They become a co-pilot in the ongoing self-awareness necessary to see the evolution of our values.

“Living into our values means that we do more than profess our values, we practice them. We walk our talk — we are clear about what we believe and hold important, and we take care that our intentions, words, thoughts, and behaviors align with those beliefs.”

— Brené Brown

Questions that help us explore our values:

  • What values have we learned from our parents? Our work? Our friends?
  • What values do I live by today and how do they serve the goals I have?
  • What values do I aspire to develop?

Learning about ourselves is a choice we make.

  • Coaches suggest we give ourselves homework: The real learning happens between sessions and every session should have a takeaway for learning. Coaching sessions keep the learning cumulative over the course of the time coaches spend with their clients. A coach won’t assign homework, instead directing the client to determine what work would be most powerful in their learning time, outside of coaching.
  • Coaches will point out our progress: The coach sees the big picture of the coaching engagement and can often recognize learning, even when their client doesn’t. Those of us on a learning journey often struggle with the self-compassion necessary to celebrate milestones along the way. So immersed in the process, we miss the big picture. Coaches make sure that the wins are highlighted.

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.”

— Benjamin Franklin

Questions that help facilitate learning:

  • As an experience or activity unfolds, how aware of my role am I?
  • Do I mindfully participate in my experiences or am I more passive?
  • Am I reflecting on the process and learning from it or focused on the result?

Bringing awareness to my feelings at any given moment in time allows me to understand myself and my environment better, both in the moment and after the moment has passed. Self-awareness is filling our learning capacity with information acquired from how a new event impacts us, in combination with stored information from past experiences.

Source link

Leave a Comment